The Power of Like-Minded Individuals: Building a Network That Elevates You

During my early days of personal development, I discovered a principle in Napoleon Hill's classic work that would permanently alter how I view relationships. The concept of a mastermind alliance struck me as profoundly simple yet incredibly powerful, the idea that surrounding yourself with the right people could multiply your results.

At first glance, it seemed elementary. Of course being around successful people would help me succeed. But the reality of implementation proved far more complex than the theory. I quickly realized there were two significant challenges: finding these high-caliber individuals, and more importantly, consciously evolving my existing relationships.

In those years, my social environment consisted primarily of peers who, while wonderful people, were still discovering their paths. Through trial and error, I came to understand what Hill meant about our associations shaping our destiny. Your regular interactions influence everything from your thought patterns to your daily habits, ultimately determining your trajectory in business, personal growth and relationships. As Jim Rohn famously said,

I want to share what has helped me build relationships with people who truly matter. The kind of people who challenge me, support my growth, and push me to be better. These are not just ideas. They are lessons I learned through trial and error, through deciding who to keep close and who to let go. Over time, I figured out how to recognize the right people for my network, the ones who make it stronger instead of weaker. Now, I want to share that wisdom with you.

Understanding My Circle (And Why It’s Small)

Before we dive in, let me paint a picture of my life today, it's not glamorous first and foremost. I’m not someone who goes out for weekly drinks with friends, not even monthly. Beside my wife and kids, my inner circle consists of just handful of people I interact with daily.

This might sound antisocial, but the truth is quite different. In my youth, I constantly moved between different social groups. One weekend I’d be playing Mahjong with one set of friends, the next weekend hosting a LAN party with another group. Some days I’d watch friends breakdancing, then later that night find myself at underground car races with completely different people. Those years were full of fun and taught me profound lessons about human energy.

I discovered every person operates at their own unique frequency. Some vibrate high, some low, but we all affect each other’s energy whether we realize it or not. You’ve probably experienced this. After spending time with certain people, you feel completely drained. Their low vibration literally pulls your energy down, leaving you to rebuild your natural state afterward. The opposite happens with high frequency people. Time with them leaves you feeling inspired, energized, and ready to take on the world.

This realization fundamentally changed my approach to relationships. Keeping my circle small isn't about withdrawing from the world, it's about safeguarding my energy and preserving the mindset that fuels my growth. Some might call this selfish, but here's the truth: every interaction leaves me carrying someone else's energy. That same energy either propels me toward my goals or pulls me further away. So I've become intentional about the influences I allow in, because the energy I absorb determines whether I move forward or struggle against invisible weights.

Now let’s examine how to intentionally build a circle that elevates rather than drains you. The key lies in recognizing low-energy behaviors, the subtle habits and attitudes that reveal someone’s mindset. When I observe these traits in others, I gain clarity about where they stand mentally and emotionally. This awareness allows me to make conscious choices: either nurture the relationship with clear boundaries, or gracefully create distance. It’s not about judgment, but about protecting your growth and aligning with those who resonate at your frequency.

The "Can'ts" – Spotting Limiting Language

These people are the easiest to identify because their language gives them away. They are the ones who constantly limit themselves with their words. You’ll hear them say things like:

• "I can’t do that."

• "I’m not a morning person."

• "I don’t have time for that."

• "How do you find the time to do all that?"

• "How are you able to manage with three kids?"

The truth is simple: Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day. What separates high achievers from everyone else is how they prioritize that time. I work out every single day, a discipline I’ve maintained for the past decade. When people hear this, their first reaction is usually disbelief:

"How do you have time?"

"You have three kids, a full-time job, volunteer for your children’s sports teams, and run a nonprofit! How is that possible?"

Here’s the hard truth: People who don’t prioritize what’s important to them will never get things done. More importantly, those who tell themselves they can’t do something will never do it. As the saying goes:

The moment you declare something impossible, it becomes so. That’s why I distance myself from this type of energy. I don’t need it in my life. Language is more than just a means of communication; it is a powerful tool that shapes how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. When individuals frequently use limiting phrases like “I can’t,” they are often reinforcing underlying beliefs that diminish their confidence and potential. This connection between language, belief, and behavior has been widely explored in psychological research. Albert Bandura’s theory of self-efficacy emphasizes that an individual's belief in their own ability to execute behaviors necessary for success is crucial in determining whether they persist in the face of challenges (Bandura, 1977). Those who repeatedly tell themselves they "can’t" often have low self-efficacy, which reduces motivation and increases the likelihood of failure or avoidance.

Carol Dweck's work on mindset further reinforces this idea. According to Dweck (2006), people operate from either a fixed or growth mindset. A fixed mindset assumes that abilities and traits are static, often expressed in statements like “I’m just not a morning person.” Conversely, a growth mindset encourages individuals to view challenges as opportunities for learning and development. The use of empowering language, such as “How can I make this work?,” reflects and reinforces a growth mindset, which has been shown to improve academic, personal, and professional outcomes.

Martin Seligman’s research on learned helplessness also illustrates the long-term consequences of defeatist thinking. In his foundational studies, Seligman (1975) demonstrated that when individuals are repeatedly exposed to uncontrollable negative situations, they eventually stop trying to change their circumstances, even when change is possible. This phenomenon is frequently preceded by internalized beliefs like “It doesn’t matter what I do” or “I can’t make a difference,” showing how negative self-talk can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more one verbalizes and internalizes helplessness, the more it becomes entrenched.

These studies collectively affirm that our language is not just a reflection of our mindset, it is a mechanism through which our mindset is formed and reinforced. By shifting from limiting language (“I can’t,” “I don’t have time,” “That’s impossible”) to proactive questioning, individuals can begin to unlock greater motivation, resilience, and effectiveness. This subtle linguistic shift has powerful psychological implications, creating a foundation for growth, adaptability, and long-term success.

In sum, changing the narrative we tell ourselves, through intentional language we can help reshape our beliefs and behaviors. The insights from Bandura, Dweck, and Seligman point to a critical truth. If we want to change our outcomes, we must first change our inner dialogue. I enforce the same mindset with my children, they’re not allowed to say "I can’t" or find excuses. Instead, I teach them how to practice more empowering talk such as, "How can I..." or "What can I do." No justifications for why something didn’t happen is not allowed instead, I encourage them to think of what they can do better the next time in the same given situation. I teach them that the only thing we truly control is our own effort, and the moment we convince ourselves we can’t, the battle is already lost.

I simply don’t have space for people who default to 'I can’t.' That mindset is toxic, and I refuse to let it drain my energy. Instead, I surround myself with those who ask, 'How can I?' the kind of people who see solutions, not obstacles. That’s the energy that drives real growth.

The truth is, limiting self-talk doesn’t just hold them back, it pulls you down, too. It’s not malicious; it’s just physics. Energy attracts energy, like attracts like. If you spend your time around people stuck in a low-frequency mindset, you’ll eventually start resonating at the same level. And before you know it, you become the person making excuses instead of breakthroughs.

So choose your circle wisely, because who you surround yourself with doesn’t just influence you...it becomes you

The Haters – Spotting Toxic Energy

Not all relationships are created equal, some nourish you, while others drain you. Toxic individuals, especially those who show jealousy, downplay your achievements, or compete rather than celebrate with you, can have a significant negative impact on your mental and emotional well-being. Scientific research has shown that poor-quality relationships, even more than the absence of relationships, are associated with higher stress levels and increased risk for mental and physical health issues. Holt-Lunstad, Smith, and Layton (2010) found in a meta-analysis that low-quality or negative social ties are more predictive of early mortality than well-known risk factors like obesity and smoking.

Haters are unmistakable. They're the ones who can't celebrate your wins without trying to one-up you or dim your light. When something good happens in your life, their jealousy shows through, in backhanded compliments, subtle put-downs, or outright negativity.

Let's be real: haters exist everywhere. Some people claim they use this negativity as fuel, but not me. I choose to remove them from my life completely. Here's why:

1. Energy matters – I refuse to waste mental space on people who drain me rather than uplift me

2. Life's too short – Between work, family, and personal goals, why complicate things with toxic relationships?

3. Growth requires support – I want people who genuinely cheer for my success, not those who secretly resent it

   
   

The difference is night and day. With the right people, sharing a win feels like a celebration. With haters, it feels like a competition you didn't sign up for.

I've learned this truth: Your circle should inspire you, not require you to defend your happiness. That's why I keep my distance from anyone who can't be happy for others. My peace is worth more than their approval.

Another key reason to avoid these toxic influences is rooted in the science of emotional contagion. We unconsciously absorb the emotions of the people around us, whether they’re positive or negative. Hatfield, Cacioppo, and Rapson (1994) demonstrated that individuals tend to mimic the facial expressions, vocal tones, and emotions of those they spend time with. So if you're constantly around people who belittle your successes or subtly resent your joy, you may begin to internalize those negative emotions, leading to reduced confidence, motivation, and energy.

This growing body of evidence makes one truth clear: your circle matters. When you consistently feel drained, second-guessed, or unsupported by someone, it’s not just frustrating, it’s psychologically and physically harmful. By choosing to protect your energy and distance yourself from people who can't be happy for your success, you're making a choice that promotes health, clarity, and growth. As the research shows, the quality of your relationships can either weigh you down or help you rise.

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel energized or drained after interacting with this person?

• Do they celebrate my wins or try to overshadow them?

• Does this relationship add value to my life?

Your answers will tell you everything you need to know. Protect your energy fiercely, the quality of your life depends on it.

The Blamers – Spotting the Excuse Makers

You know exactly who these people are, the ones who can't take responsibility for anything. Their favorite phrases all start the same way:

"I didn't get the job because the interviewer did like me from the start."

"My business failed because customers just don't appreciate quality."

"I'm always late because traffic was so bad!"

"My relationship ended because she just couldn't understand me."

"I'd be in shape if my gym wasn't so far away."

"I'm just way too busy."

When I encounter Blamers now, I've learned to just nod along and say...."Uh huh...yeah...I see..." There was a time I'd try to reason with them, point out how they might contribute to their own problems. But I've realized: You can't argue someone out of an excuse they've argued themselves into.

Here's why I remove Blamers from my circle:

1. Energy Contamination - Their victim mentality is contagious if you're around it too much

2. Growth Stagnation - People who don't take responsibility never improve and in turn this will affect your own growth

3. Reality Distortion - They create an alternate world where they're never at fault, how will that affect your friendship when something goes wrong? You will be the one to they blame

4. Time Waste - Explaining basic accountability becomes exhausting.

   
   

Individuals who habitually attribute their failures to external circumstances, such as traffic delays, unsupportive partners, or ungrateful clients, often display patterns associated with learned helplessness. This psychological phenomenon, first identified by Martin Seligman and his colleagues in the 1960s, describes a state in which individuals come to believe they have no control over the outcomes in their lives, leading to passivity, resignation, and a diminished sense of agency (Seligman, 1975). Over time, such individuals may adopt a persistent victim mentality, wherein they feel powerless to effect change, thereby stunting their personal and professional growth (Raypole, 2022).

One key driver of this mindset is an external locus of control, the belief that success or failure is governed by outside forces like fate, chance, or the actions of others. Research shows that individuals with a predominantly external locus of control often exhibit lower motivation and resilience, as they perceive their efforts as having little to no impact (Cherry, 2023). In contrast, those with an internal locus of control tend to take ownership of outcomes, believing that their actions and choices significantly influence results. This orientation fosters greater personal responsibility, initiative, and long-term success (Ackerman, 2023).

Another related behavior is self-handicapping, a psychological strategy where people create obstacles or excuses to shield themselves from the sting of potential failure. While this can provide temporary protection to one’s self-esteem, it ultimately undermines growth and performance by encouraging avoidance and passivity (Morin, 2023).

The company we keep plays a huge role in either reinforcing or challenging these behaviors. Consistently surrounding yourself with individuals who deflect blame and avoid accountability can subtly erode one’s own standards, cultivating an atmosphere of stagnation and excuse-making. Engaging with people who model ownership, adaptability, and growth-mindedness fosters an environment of mutual encouragement and personal evolution.

The harsh truth? Blamers will drain years from your life if you let them. They're the human equivalent of quicksand, the more you engage, the deeper you sink into their dysfunctional worldview. I choose to surround myself with people who ask "What could I have done differently?" rather than "Why does this always happen to me?" Because again, at the end of the day, the only thing any of us truly control is ourselves, and that's enough to change everything.

The Gossiper - Avoiding the Bad mouthers

There’s truth in the saying:

Gossip is the lowest form of conversation, an energy drain that pulls you down and shapes your world in subtle, toxic ways. I speak from experience, there was a time in my youth when I used to engage in gossip. At the time, it seemed harmless, even bonding. There was a twisted comfort in dissecting others' flaws, finding common ground in shared judgments, and getting swept up in the drama. But here's what I've learned: gossip is social connection at its most counterfeit.

Science confirms what I discovered personally, while gossip might offer momentary satisfaction or a fleeting sense of belonging, it ultimately poisons relationships and erodes trust. (WebMD, 2022) That person who shares juicy details with you today? They'll likely be sharing yours tomorrow.

When I finally recognized how toxic and empty this pattern was, how it was corroding my relationships and my own character, I made a conscious choice to step away from gossip completely. It wasn't easy breaking the habit, but my relationships became more authentic and my peace of mind grew exponentially as a result.

Now when I'm faced with a gossiper, I stay silent or redirect the conversation. I’m civil but guarded, I just don't engage. Chronic gossips don’t get my trust or a lasting place in my life. As I have mentioned earlier, energy attracts energy. Engage in pettiness, and you’ll attract pettiness. Here are some of the ways that I've disengaged in a conversation and found it to work, try them.

How to Disengage

1. Change the subject to something positive

2. Respond with kindness and refuse to judge

3. Ask a meaningful question to shift focus

4. Use humor to lighten the mood when appropriate

5. Set clear but polite boundaries

6. Excuse yourself if needed

   
   

Why It Works

It protects your peace, challenges toxic norms quietly, and attracts people who value real connection.

Gossip thrives when fed. Starve it, and watch your relationships and energy rise.

Conclusion

The journey to intentionally shaping my inner circle has been one of the most transformative aspects of my personal growth. What began as an abstract principle from Napoleon Hill, the power of a mastermind alliance, became a lived reality through deliberate action and self-awareness. I learned that relationships aren’t just about companionship; they’re about energy exchange, influence, and collective elevation.

By identifying and distancing myself from limiting mindsets, the "Can’ts," the Haters, the Blamers, and the Gossipers, I created space for relationships that align with my values and aspirations. My circle may be small, but it’s intentional, filled with individuals who challenge me, energize me, and share a commitment to growth.

This isn’t about exclusion but about conscious selection. Every interaction either propels you forward or holds you back. Protecting your energy isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Because when you surround yourself with those who operate at a higher frequency, you don’t just rise with them; you create a life where excellence becomes the norm.

So ask yourself: Does my current circle reflect the person I aspire to be? If not, it’s time to refine, redirect, and rebuild. The right people are out there, seek them, nurture those connections, and watch how your world transforms. Your future self will thank you.

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